Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
someone owes me an orgasm
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this just has baby written all over it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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