i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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