he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
