sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
