went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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