ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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