went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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