I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
