my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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