i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
