Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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