none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
