she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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