i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
