Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
