just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
