Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
