the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
