the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
