I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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