I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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