so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
