The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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