I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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