The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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