it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't deserve a penis
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
