you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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