Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
