Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
