ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
