Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
