If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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