You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
