i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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