OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I died a long time ago.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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