I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
