I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
