Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
