there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
