I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
