You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
