I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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