Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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