He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
