i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
