watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
