first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
