the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
