I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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