I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
